Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
