he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
