Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
