i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
