Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
