You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
