i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
