My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
