And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
