I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
