It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
