Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I just sharted jello shots
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