i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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