i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
