He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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