It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
