It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
