A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
