If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I cockslap morals
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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