He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
