I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize