I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
