my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
