Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
