i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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