I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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