When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Who died my cat blue again?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize