tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
