I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
