I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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