So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize