that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
