Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh god it's open bar.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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