told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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