Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
