I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
