I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
