Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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