oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
