Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
