I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
