my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
