I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't put those talents on a resume
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
