and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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