I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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