is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
