please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
