Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize