Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and she was petting her beer can
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
