he puts the penis in happiness.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
