I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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