tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
