i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just invented taco cereal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize