Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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