Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
