I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dignity is for republicans.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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