He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
