Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
