Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
