I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
