birth control should be required to get into college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
