He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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