I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
