yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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