I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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