Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
