Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
