sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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