Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
