It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
