the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
