remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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