first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
