He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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